I did not realize how much of my freedom and power I was giving away to alcohol. I did not  necessarily hit the proverbial bottom with the often seen loss of job, relationships, or trouble with  the law but I lost something very important; I lost myself. I lost my relationship with my  authentic self and perhaps my soul. Until I freed myself, I did not realize how much alcohol was  dulling all aspects of my life. Sure it seems to numb out pain and stress but it also dulled every  day happiness and joy. I was a people pleaser for as much of my life as I can remember - until I  wasn't. I just wanted people to like me, accept me and want me around. I spent more time trying  to figure out how others may want me to show up and what to say and more importantly what not  to say, than on discovering who I am or could be. Because of my beliefs and feelings of not  being enough, I thought I found the answer in alcohol after my first drink. I found the secret  sauce. I wasn't afraid to speak my mind and I felt less shy; I felt cool. In reality, it didn't make  me better in any way and I certainly didn't have anything more intelligent to say, I just didn't care  as much.